Thoughts on Love

In a couple of weeks, some of us will be celebrating Valentine’s Day, a somewhat secular celebration in which sweethearts of all faiths and none, shower each other with candy, cards, and expensive dinners.

As for myself, Valentine’s Day is one of my most favorite holidays. I love the romance, the candle-lit dinner, soft music, flowers and their subtle fragrance. I love holding hands. I’m sorry but I am a pathetic romantic. I love being in love.

But what is love? Love, is an emotion. Emotions are fleeting. We love one minute and are out of love another. We confuse lust with love. We confuse desire with love. We confuse acceptance with love. We see love as a way to hold onto another. Our love is conditional. You love me – I love you. You please me – I love you. You do what I want – I love you. But even within this warped view of love, there is that potential of realizing what real love is.

Love that comes and goes is only a reflection of the real love. Let me explain that. I’d like to use a Buddhist metaphor somewhat like the finger pointing to the moon. Except this is the moon reflecting in a lake. The moon reflected in the lake looks exactly like the moon, but the reflection can be disturbed very easily by a small wind. It shatters into a thousand pieces of silver over the lake, and as the lake settles back, it again appears as the moon.

But the real moon in the sky is not disturbed by winds, by seasons, by anything. It is even there in the day, we just can’t see it because the sun is too bright

Love is the same. Real love is just to be love; it is not a relationship, it is your state of being. It has nothing to do with anybody, it is simply love. Many can share it, others have a hard time to share or express it.

The love between man and woman … the love between parents and child … The love between friends; it can have many manifestations, but they are always changing. They have to change, because they are only reflections, shadows and in their wake they may bring much misery

When the moon is reflected in the lake, there is much joy, there is beauty and when it is shattered by wind, or just a small pebble thrown into the lake, it’s all gone… shattered. And you know from your own experience that your love relationships with friends, with spouses, are all very fragile. Any small thing and the whole love disappear. Not only disappears, it changes into the opposite. Friends become enemies, boyfriends and girlfriends break each other’s heart, husbands and wives divorce.

Authentic love is total fulfillment in yourself and at the same time we feel a deeper appreciation for that which sustains our lives, we become truly human. We see the need to make life better for all the living, not just humans. For a person with this awareness, love becomes their very nature, their breath, their very heartbeat.

This state of being love is the ultimate peak of consciousness. Shakyamuni Buddha awakened to this. He does not love … he is love. He does nothing on his part … just his presence radiates love. This love is not addressed to anyone in particular, just as the sun rays are not addressed to any particular flower, any particular tree. It reaches all those who are available to receive it.

In Buddhism there is a term, Metta. Metta is Pali and when translated means love. … Not the ordinary sensual, emotional, sentimental kind of love that I described earlier.

This Buddhist concept of Metta can be translated to loving-kindness, generous mindedness, sending our thoughts of love towards others

Loving-kindness is what true compassion is, and more. It is built on wisdom. Wisdom, in itself, includes compassion. Thus, wisdom and compassion are necessary for loving-kindness to exist.

Regardless of the heartbreaks we suffer or our narrow understanding of what love can be, love can manifest itself in every unique and wonderful ways. Finding a connection with another is not difficult if our hearts are open. It’s the “knowing” that is hard. As human beings, we all seek love by being with others, as friends or as lovers, by offering our individuality and our uniqueness.

That being said, have a meaningful Valentine’s Day.

Namo Amida Butsu