Reflections on My Desires and Attachments

People grasp after things for their own imagined convenience and comfort; they grasp after wealth and treasure and honors; they cling desperately to life. They make arbitrary distinctions between good and bad, right and wrong, and then vehemently affirm and deny them. For people life is a succession of grasping and attachments, and then, because of this, they must assume the illusion of pain and suffering.

Before I became a minister I was a Research Biologist at Syntex Pharmaceutical Company, living rather a comfortable life in Silicon Valley. My lifestyle was quite different back then. However, when I moved into my next phase of life, I realized I didn’t need too much “stuff” to live comfortably. However, now that Nobuko and I have settled into our South­ern California lifestyle, I’ve suddenly had the urge to once again accumulate “stuff” and once again I feel the frustration of not getting what I want.

The opening reading is from the Teaching of the Buddha, “… For people life is a succession of grasping and attachments, and then, because of this, they must assume the illusion of pain and suffering.”

Although my frustration seems rather petty and trite compared to the suffering and pain seen throughout the world, nevertheless it does cause me to reflect on my insatiable desire for “wealth and treasure and honors.”

The pillars of Buddha’s teachings are found in the four noble truths. 1) The first is that in this life there is suffering. 2) There is a cause of this suffering. 3) The elimination of the cause ends the suffering. 4) There is a way to eliminate the suffering.

The causes of the suffering in life can be categorized by the three poisons: Greed, anger and ignorance. In general, these three poisons can be summarized as attachments. It is our attachments or clinging to things, ideas, and actions that are the root of our suffering.

There’s an old Buddhist saying that pain is inevitable in life … but suffering is optional. How much I suffer depends on me. Our pain and suffering point out to where we are most affected. And what we’re holding onto the most. By recognizing this, we can learn to use loss and suffering in ways that help us grow wiser and become peace with ourselves.

It should also be said that attachment isn’t about being bad or wrong. We shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves for having attachments and desires but rather understand that certain kinds of attachments and desires are at the root of our suffering.

However, in our Jodo Shinshu tradition, it is impossible to abandon our attachments, especially letting go of our own ego. How then do we attain the goal of all Buddhists, that of Enlightenment?

It is through the absolute realization that we cannot abandon our self or our attachments. Hardly a moment passes that we don’t live without attaching to “I, me, mine.”

This is what Shinran Shonin wrote about in the KGSS …

I know truly how grievous it is that, I, Gutoku Shinran, am sinking in an immense ocean of desires and attachments and am lost in vast mountains of fame and advantage, so that I rejoice not at all at entering the stage of the truly settled, and feel no happiness at coming nearer the realization of true enlightenment. How ugly it is! How wretched!

The absolute recognition and acceptance of this reality opens up a world of infinite wisdom and compassion. My attachment to my iPhone, computer, wireless Internet, cable TV, and my desire to accumulate more “stuff’ causes me to suffer, yet it also reveals the working of the infinite wisdom and compassion that continues to embrace my life, just as I am. As a selfish being, I am able to experience and be touched by the compassion of Nobuko, my grandchil­dren, my daughters, my relatives, and the members of our wonderful Betsuin, past and present. This is the Nembutsu path. This path is for those who are unable to practice and abandon their attachments on their own. This is the path that allows us to be foolish beings because we are foolish beings. But this is the path that reveals the working of Infinite Wisdom and Compassion that we call Amida Buddha.

In Jodo Shinshu, to abandon the “attachment to self” means to entrust in the working of this Infinite Wisdom and Compassion. The minute you awaken to the cause of suffering, which is your preoccupation with your “self,” then you’ll began to feel joy in your life. And the more you awaken to your interconnection with others, the freer you will be from suffering, and by doing this we are able to appreciate and enjoy every day, every moment.

Namo Amida Butsu