Fear of Failure
“… some failure in life is inevitable. It is impossible to live without failing at something,unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.” [J.K. Rowling, 2008 commencement speech at Harvard]
As many, especially of the younger generation know, J.K. Rowling is the author of the wildly popular Harry Potter stories. She is the first person ever to have become a billionaire as a writer, though she began her famed career as an impoverished single parent typing her manuscripts in a café. In fact, as she explains in her speech, she is grateful for having hit “rock bottom” because the situation freed her from one of the greatest obstacles people face in realizing their deepest aspirations and enjoying the secure sense of being who they really are—the fear of failure.
Like Ms. Rowling before her success, many of us may feel compelled to take the safe path, not so much because it seems safe even though nothing is assured, but because society and culture and the human need for the approval of others dictates it thus. She notes that while she felt little motivated at university, she was able to pass exams and that was the tangible measure of her “success.” In this perspective, some of us should reflect on the measures that connote success in our lives—the schools we attend, the careers we choose, the people with whom we associate, where we live, the things we acquire, and so on. Are these the full measure of who we really are?
Rowling counters, “… failure meant stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one area I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised and I was still alive …”
In other words, her failure in the conventional sense brought her to discover that she had a strong will, more discipline than she thought she had, and true friends. The experience gave her the inner security to advance forward and to be fully who she was—she no longer had to fear failure. No conventional measure can give us such a solid foundation for realizing ultimate freedom. She acknowledges, “Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone’s total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.”
Humility is one of the hallmarks of Shinran’s teaching. While we may wish to appear intelligent and in control, there is much of which we are unaware, much to which we have not yet awakened about the nature of life. As we fearfully busy ourselves with our plans and checklists, we lose sight of our true selves; we are blind to the interdependence of our karma and ourselves with that of all life. We have been made to be who we are by an indescribably complex combination of causes and conditions. Thanks to our interdependence with other beings, we have received our unique mix of talents and abilities, personalities and characteristics. Once we all start to define success by society’s standards, our delusion deepens. No wonder our ego-minds fear failure. In having to taste failure and discovering that life goes on and that we are always supported by the immeasurable compassion of other beings, we are actually liberated from the delusion by which we define ourselves and for a moment at least, we can touch reality. Then we can truly live, offering and enjoying the full depth of who we are in the great flow of life.
I encourage you to view J.K. Rowling’s speech, or to read it in the recently released book, Very Good Lives, in which she also discusses the importance of imagination in enabling us to empathize with people whose experiences we have never shared. But that’s another lesson. Oh, and do try a temple “Drop My Ego” (DME) activity (see page 12) to test your fear of failure.
Namo Amida Butsu.
Gassho,
Rev. Patricia Usuki